Congruency: The Final Nervous System Shift in Our Summer Blog Series
Working toward congruency, similar to the other nervous system shifts we’ve explored in our summer blog series, can help educators reduce stress, interrupt burnout patterns, and move into the next school year with greater awareness and intention.
The topic of burnout has been a core focus of our summer blog series, with us highlighting the connection between burnout, chronic stress, and the nervous system. This final shift invites us to look at another contributor to burnout that often goes unnoticed: the tension that can develop when what we think, feel, and value does not align with what we express or do.
To understand that connection, we first need to explore the difference between congruence and incongruence.
Understanding Congruence and Incongruence
Working in education often means doing things we’re required to do rather than what we believe is the right thing to do. In these cases, we experience internal incongruence. Internal congruence is a state in which your inner experience matches your outer expression. Incongruence occurs when what we think, feel, and value internally does not align with what we express or do externally.
The greater the gap between our internal experiences and actions, the more tension and nervous system strain tend to build, often leading to resentment, anger, frustration, or questioning ourselves. When this tension accumulates without resolution, it can become another contributor to educator stress and burnout.
One answer is learning how to move toward greater congruency, even in situations where we do not have complete control over the outcome.
Two Practices to Move Toward Congruency
Practice One: Recognize that there is more than one reality in the moment.
In moments of stress, frustration, or conflict, it is easy to become focused only on our own experience. Working toward congruency means recognizing that multiple realities can exist at the same time, which can help us see the bigger picture and come up with a solution that doesn’t simply disregard our internal thoughts and feelings.
For example, say someone asks you to step in and do a task that you don’t feel is part of your role, your perception about this isn’t the only reality. Another part of this reality is that this person is asking for a reason.
One way to acknowledge multiple realities: use what we call “parts of me” language. It might sound like, “part of me wants to say no because this doesn’t feel like part of my role, however part of me recognizes that there must be a good reason you are asking me.” Or, maybe you’re being asked to take over a class during your planning time. “Part of me wants to say yes because I’m guessing you need someone to do it, but part of me would really struggle doing that today because I need that time for planning.” In both of these examples, multiple realities are acknowledged rather than one of them being dismissed. This feels very different than saying no and feeling blamed, or saying yes and feeling resentful.
Practice Two: Choose consciously.
Recognizing multiple realities helps us see the full picture. Choosing consciously helps us decide how we want to respond to it.
When we are faced with competing priorities or expectations, we often spend a lot of energy trying to determine which choice is “right.”
What if, instead of searching for the “right” choice, we recognized that every choice comes with both benefits and challenges and consciously decided which we are willing to navigate?
Let’s say for example: an instructional coach or administrator tells you that you have to teach a lesson in a certain way. You have a different way that you would like to do it.
If you choose to do it their way, the challenges might be that you feel resentful, not listened to, or not valued. The benefits might be that they feel supported and see you as a team player.
If you choose to do it your way, the challenges might be that they feel frustrated, and they see you as unwilling to collaborate or try something new. The benefits might be that you feel heard, valued, and stayed true to your professional judgment.
Neither option is free of challenges. Choosing from a place of obligation or defiance often creates more internal tension. Choosing from a place of awareness tends to create more congruency because you recognize that you are making a choice, even when the options are imperfect, and decide which challenges and benefits you are willing to navigate.
Why Does Congruency Matter?
Working toward congruency reduces the internal tension that builds when actions and experience don’t align.
It doesn’t mean every situation becomes easy, and it doesn’t mean you will always get the outcome you want. There will be times when requirements, expectations, and competing priorities create difficult choices.
What congruency offers is a way to move through challenging situations and the complexities of educational environments with greater awareness and intention. Rather than feeling trapped between competing demands, you can recognize multiple realities, acknowledge what matters to you, and make conscious choices about how you want to respond.
Over time, this can reduce the internal battles that contribute to stress, resentment, and burnout.
Keep Learning With Us
This concludes our summer blog series on nervous system shifts for educators. Throughout the series, we’ve explored how breathing, interoception, naming your experience, movement, and congruency can support regulation, reduce stress, and create more sustainable ways of working.
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